SEASONS

"There is a time for all seasons and a purpose for everything under the heavens."  Eccl. 3:1

This has been a favorite scripture and life motto of mine for several years.  I think it started when as a young mother I realized I couldn't do it "all".  This has been more relevant in my life the past few months.  After undergoing 3 different surgeries, I am well aware that I cannot do it ALL.  This last surgery has made me do a lot thinking about changes and seasons.   A friend asked me if this surgery was hard for me?  I had a total hysterectomy, and yes, it was difficult.  Having made the decision years ago that my family was all here on the earth, having another child was not on my mind.  However, knowing that that part of my life is over became a  real reality for me.  I try not to think about what that all means in the grand scheme of things as it can be overwhelming and depressing.  But then I can look back and remember the blessings this body gave me.  Though at times, I felt a bit like it was betraying me- it all worked out.  "Things will work out"  has become another favorite of mine from a past General Conference.  As I leave my house I can see that quote on the wall and remember it daily.  I have not been allowed to drive for the past 3 weeks and today will be the first time behind the wheel. As I leave for my Dr. appointment I will be reminded that "things will work out."

Another season that is happening in my life is that Quinton started 7th grade in Jr. High today and Jenna started 9th grade in High School.  It is a funny feeling to know that I no longer have a child in grade school.  Even stranger is the fact that one of my grandchildren, Brayli, entered the 1st grade and Campbell started kindergarten!  There is no way this season in my  life has began!  How can I remember so vividly the days when my children began school?  How can life pass so quickly?

 There are days when I wish I could stop time.  But if I did that I would be denied so many blessings in my life.  Heavenly Father has a greater plan for us and it is up to us to continue to have the faith needed to follow that plan.  Someday, we will see and understand more clearly what he has in store for us.  Until that day, we will "live in each season as it passes"and enjoy, not just endure to the end.

On March 14, 2015 we added another member to our "up on the Hill" family.  Stephanie Kearl married Zachary in the Boise, Idaho LDS Temple.  The total number is now at 16 with grandbaby number 6 coming in a few weeks, making it 17.  When I figure out how to do it, I will add a new family picture.

Hope this finds you all well and enjoying whatever season you are in in your life.  I am sure there is a poem for this somewhere.  Give me time and I will come up with one.  Until then, "live in each Season as it passes."

Bored...

BORED......
So every year at this time I go through this phase when I have no energy or desire to do anything.  All summer I have a reason to get up and entertain the kids.  Even though we aren't on a schedule I feel it is my duty as a mom to keep them busy and make summer memories.  This summer was no different.  It wasn't full of grand adventures, but it was a fun summer.  We went to Lagoon, we went camping, we went to Coeur d A'lene.  Quinn got to go to LA and see Dodger's stadium and went flying with a friend for his birthday (his friend's birthday, not his- which is a whole different story because since he will be turning 12 in October he is not going to have a birthday this year as I am in total denial.)  Jenna got to participate in dance camp with the High School dance team to improve her own dancing skills.  Which unfortunately she won't be doing this year due to lack of time and choosing to participate in other sports.  I was secretly hoping she wouldn't be any good at sports so I could continue to watch her dance.  But she is good at everything she tries- so I will support her where her passions take her.  Hard as it may be for me. 

We have a foreign exchange student living with us from Spain.  So far it is going well.  She and Jenna get along and it is good for Jenna to have another girl in the house.  Having someone new in our home to love reminded me of one of my first poems that I also turned into a song.  I wrote it when our first foster children lived with us and would sing it to them at bedtime.  Brings back sweet memories and a few tears.

Daddy, Will You Love Me?

Daddy, will you love me
will you call me your own?
Though not flesh of your flesh
or bone of your bone?

I came to this earth through another
but I call you father and mother,
so guide me and teach me
all that is right-
and at the end of each day
I'll kiss you good night.

Mommy, will you show me
all the things I must do
to take me to heaven
when my life is through?

 I came to this earth through another
but I call you father and mother,
so guide me and teach me
all that is right-
and at the end of each day
I'll kiss you good night.

I'll watch and I'll follow
all the days of my life.
And at the end of each day
I'll kiss you good night.


When I first started this blog my intent was to write a poem a week, well that didn't happen but I can always try again.  With all this new found time on my hands, who knows, it may become a regular thing.

Hope this finds you all well and as you start this new time of year you might find things to make you happy. Only  1 more hour of solitude- what shall I do with my time?

Bittersweet (again)

Today I chose to write in the font "times"  because that is what I am essentially writing about.  Tomorrow night, Zach's best friend returns from his mission to Paraguay.  I am so excited for his family but having a lot of bittersweet thoughts.  We should have been welcoming our own son home last week.  But a friend once counseled me not to focus on the "shoulds" in my life.  So I won't...
Last night as I mentioned this fact to the kids they replied,"but then we wouldn't have this cool fort Zach built for us on Sunday, we wouldn't have 2 snakes and an iguana, Zach wouldn't be here to help me build my pine wood derby...) and on and on it went.  Things would have been a lot different the last 2 years that's for sure.  He would have missed 2 of his nephews being born, he would have missed his grandmother's passing away, he would have missed last year's pinewood derby, he would have missed helping his older brother heal after a motorcyle accident, and the list goes on and on.  I would have loved to see my son return after 2 years, but I really loved seeing him return after 2 weeks.  He was a quick learner and had other missions to complete here at home.  Right now he is on a road trip for his work.  I mentioned how much I don't like him being gone by himself and wise Quinton replied, "mom, your baby boy is growing up!"  I guess they all are...

We are nearing the end of tax season once again.  We have all survived (barely) and are looking forward to daddy being around a little more.  Quinton has it down almost to the minute when he can come home and play ball with his dad.  This year we are just going to Boise for the night.  Other obligations are keeping us from an extended trip, but will take one later. 

Hope this blog finds you all well and appreciating the blessings you have.  Enjoy the "time" you have with each one of them.

Catching up

So I have noticed a decline in blogging posts from almost everyone. Was blogging just a trend?  Maybe I just follow lazy bloggers like myself.  Or we are all just too busy with real life to have time to sit down and record our thoughts and what's going on in our busy lives.
I am spending my day subbing for middle school English.  Usually one of my favorite classes, but they are typing essays so I have nothing to do.  So I will use this time to do some catching up of my own.

Lately I have found myself drawn to windows.  The frost on the trees every morning is breathtaking to look at.  The first thing I do when I walk out to my family room is open the curtains.  Even though there isn't much sunshine, it still lets in the light of the new day. And sometimes I am lucky enough to catch some of the sunrise.  Windows are interesting things.  They let us look out to see things we don't have to actually be a part of, yet because we can see it we become a part of it.  Let me give you an example so you understand what I am trying to say.

We have had 20 days since the New Year with the ground covered in snow.  At first it was a novelty so of course the kids wanted to play in it before it melted.  Little did we know, there was no reason to hurry.  As I helped round up the snow clothes they anxiously discussed the fun they were going to have.  It's amazing how much fun you can have on a little hill on the side of your house.  It was way to cold for me to participate so I went to the big window to watch.  I saw the thrill on their rose colored cheeks as they made their way down for the first run of the year.  Then they ran to make a snowball or try to build an igloo.  Soon it was too cold and they came in asking for hot chocolate.  But as I stood watching them many thoughts came into my mind.  I have looked out these same windows for 16 years now.  Each time there are many of the same things; the neighbors houses, the Owyhee mountains, the farm fields, sometimes bare, sometimes covered with crops and a view of the Melba valley.  Other times I see different things.  The children have grown and changed over the years.  I used to have to watch every move to make sure they were safe and not fighting.  I still have to do that, but not constantly.  They have changed what they do when they go out to play.  Just as they leave every morning I cannot see everything they do but hope and pray that they are safe and setting good examples for those watching them.Some people will be participating with them while others may be watching from a window somewhere. 
Sometimes I find myself wishing there was a window looking into heaven so I could see my parents. I miss them everyday and know they can see me and continue to direct me for good.

I'm not sure I portrayed my feelings today but at least I posted on my blog.  Can you say the same?

Keep busy living life and doing those things that peope are watching through their windows- just make sure it's somethin you want them to see!

What a Year!

This is the beginning of a very long post. It most likely will take several visits to complete. Today I am focusing my thoughts on a sweet little angel boy who returned to our Heavenly Father on Saturday, March 10, 2012. I didn't get the chance to spend much time with this special Child of God, but got to know him through his loving mother's words. I was reading my last entry as we were preparing to send Zach off on his mission. I had time to get ready, Lincoln was called home unexpectedly. My heart is breaking for his loving parents and big sister. At times like this I am again so grateful for the Plan our Father in Heaven has for us. He is in the loving arms of his grandparents and those who have gone before and will be waiting for the day when he runs to his family for the first time.

So as everyone knows by now, Zach came home from his mission shortly after he left. He did what was asked of him and willingly served to the best of his abilities. It was a difficult time but has proved to be a blessing for all of us. Call me selfish, but it sure is nice having him around. He stays very busy working and playing when he has the time. He is serving as Asst. for the 11 year old Scouts and attending Institute and Singles ward activities. He is a great uncle and is slowly earning the affection of his newest nephew, Broxon Matthew.

The year in review...as remembered. Not necessarily in chronological order.

On June 15th.2011 our newest grandson was born. Broxon Matthew Walker was born to Elizabeth and Matthew. Brayli is a proud big sister and loves her little brother very much. I get the privilege of taking care of them (and thier cousin, Campbell) every Monday. It is sometimes overwhelming but I am so lucky to have them close by and get to spend this time with them. I feel so sorry for grandparents who have to travel long distances to see their grandbabies. Our 4th grandbaby will be born in July of 2012. Kimberly and Chris are having their 2nd boy. Making the total 3 to 1, leaving Miss Brayli as the reigning Princess.

In July I was hired as the Dance team coach for Melba High School. This is something I have always wanted to do and the timing was finally right. I have 13 amazing girls and we are headed to the State Competition this week. It has been a fun , learning experience for me and I am fulfilling one of my dreams.

In August we lost our sweet mother. I can remember it like it was yesterday. The night before her death, my sister, Jeanne and I spent many hours with her while she struggled between life and the hereafter. The following day was very peaceful and as the family gathered in her room she quietly slipped away into the loving arms of our daddy. It brought the family together for the first time since our father's death in 1999. Our oldest brother, Jim came and spent the day of the funeral with us. It was a very sad time in my life and I miss her everyday. I still find myself going to the phone to call her. She was an inspiration to me in so many ways. I love you mom.

I am closing this entry for now and will continue later and add pictures. Have a good day.

No poem, just a thought....

There are times in your life when you feel like you are the only one who has ever experienced what you are going through. Preparing to send your son on a 2 year mission is one of those times. Like when you are pregnant ( no matter how many times you have been) or preparing to give birth (again, no matter how many times you have) or when you send your youngest off to school for the 1st day, or when you suffer a miscarriage, or your husband misses an important event, or your kid is the one screaming in Wal-mart because they didn't get the toy they wanted, or you wait for your grandchild to be born, or you grieve over the loss of your father or you pray for your children to make better choices......I have decided we are given these opportunities so that we can have have a greater empathy for those who go after us and share these same feeelings. How great is life that there is a plan? So greatful to know that we have a loving Heavenly Father who knows us and understands us so perfectly. Tomorrow is Zach's farewell, ( I know they don't call them that anymore but I am showing my age!), as I help him prepare his talk I realize that he doesn't really need me to, he's just asking out of habit. Maybe I have taught him a thing or two....I sure love him.

tear jerker...

Okay, I'm back. I haven't seemed to get around to this lately mostly because I want to change the background and can't figure it out by myself. The time for Zach to leave is getting closer and I still have mixed emotions about it. He is sooooo ready to go but have I truly prepared him for such a task? As a mother I feel so inadequate at times like this. He has prepared himself far better than I could be responsible for-- he is a GREAT young man and will touch the lives of so many.

I have put off posting this poem because it is so close to my heart but for some reason today seems appropriate. Grab a tissue and read on...

The Wait

Nothing moves but the occasional rise of his chest.
You can hear him breathing,
but this is not life.

The house is still and dark-the hum of the oxygen tank in the air.
Everyone is asleep as I sit and watch,
and listen-and wait.

What will tomorrow bring? He struggles for a brief moment
but continues to sleep.
Will he be here for the sunrise?

He coughs and moans but still goes on. Will the pain ever end for him?
I feel that it is close as everyone sleeps.
The rythm of their breathing fills the room.

I try to sleep too but rest won't come. This is my father-or is it?
This man could not be the same one who skipped across the street to church
-or could it?

Always there for me-I wonder where he is now.
I can see him but he isn't really there.
No one really knows why his heart continues to beat.

If I go to sleep will he then let go? How can I say good-bye?
How can I pray for it to end
as I watch my mother grieve?

There have been many earthly angels taking care of us.
I am sure there are Heavenly angels
waiting to take care of you, Daddy.

Bye oh baby, bye oh baby, bye oh baby bye. Are you asleep yet?
Tears fill my eyes.
This is dying.

written the night before my Father, Rex Joy Black, passed away on June 23rd, 1999.




On a brighter note- I finally found a dress for Zach's farewell yesterday. I had such good luck that I bought 3!!!!!( I could have got about 8 if my money growing tree was in bloom!) Kimi and I had such fun, so did Campbell wandering around the store and locking us out of the dressing room. Diet food supposed to be here today.....wish me luck!