Okay, I'm back. I haven't seemed to get around to this lately mostly because I want to change the background and can't figure it out by myself. The time for Zach to leave is getting closer and I still have mixed emotions about it. He is sooooo ready to go but have I truly prepared him for such a task? As a mother I feel so inadequate at times like this. He has prepared himself far better than I could be responsible for-- he is a GREAT young man and will touch the lives of so many.
I have put off posting this poem because it is so close to my heart but for some reason today seems appropriate. Grab a tissue and read on...
The Wait
Nothing moves but the occasional rise of his chest.
You can hear him breathing,
but this is not life.
The house is still and dark-the hum of the oxygen tank in the air.
Everyone is asleep as I sit and watch,
and listen-and wait.
What will tomorrow bring? He struggles for a brief moment
but continues to sleep.
Will he be here for the sunrise?
He coughs and moans but still goes on. Will the pain ever end for him?
I feel that it is close as everyone sleeps.
The rythm of their breathing fills the room.
I try to sleep too but rest won't come. This is my father-or is it?
This man could not be the same one who skipped across the street to church
-or could it?
Always there for me-I wonder where he is now.
I can see him but he isn't really there.
No one really knows why his heart continues to beat.
If I go to sleep will he then let go? How can I say good-bye?
How can I pray for it to end
as I watch my mother grieve?
There have been many earthly angels taking care of us.
I am sure there are Heavenly angels
waiting to take care of you, Daddy.
Bye oh baby, bye oh baby, bye oh baby bye. Are you asleep yet?
Tears fill my eyes.
This is dying.
written the night before my Father, Rex Joy Black, passed away on June 23rd, 1999.
On a brighter note- I finally found a dress for Zach's farewell yesterday. I had such good luck that I bought 3!!!!!( I could have got about 8 if my money growing tree was in bloom!) Kimi and I had such fun, so did Campbell wandering around the store and locking us out of the dressing room. Diet food supposed to be here today.....wish me luck!
I was doing okay until the last stanza. I forgot about that song. Instant tears when I read "are you asleep yet?" I have clear memories of Grandpa singing that song to us as kids. Thanks for the trip down memory lane. Matthew was wondering why I started crying so I was able to talk to him about Grandpa.
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