No poem, just a thought....

There are times in your life when you feel like you are the only one who has ever experienced what you are going through. Preparing to send your son on a 2 year mission is one of those times. Like when you are pregnant ( no matter how many times you have been) or preparing to give birth (again, no matter how many times you have) or when you send your youngest off to school for the 1st day, or when you suffer a miscarriage, or your husband misses an important event, or your kid is the one screaming in Wal-mart because they didn't get the toy they wanted, or you wait for your grandchild to be born, or you grieve over the loss of your father or you pray for your children to make better choices......I have decided we are given these opportunities so that we can have have a greater empathy for those who go after us and share these same feeelings. How great is life that there is a plan? So greatful to know that we have a loving Heavenly Father who knows us and understands us so perfectly. Tomorrow is Zach's farewell, ( I know they don't call them that anymore but I am showing my age!), as I help him prepare his talk I realize that he doesn't really need me to, he's just asking out of habit. Maybe I have taught him a thing or two....I sure love him.

tear jerker...

Okay, I'm back. I haven't seemed to get around to this lately mostly because I want to change the background and can't figure it out by myself. The time for Zach to leave is getting closer and I still have mixed emotions about it. He is sooooo ready to go but have I truly prepared him for such a task? As a mother I feel so inadequate at times like this. He has prepared himself far better than I could be responsible for-- he is a GREAT young man and will touch the lives of so many.

I have put off posting this poem because it is so close to my heart but for some reason today seems appropriate. Grab a tissue and read on...

The Wait

Nothing moves but the occasional rise of his chest.
You can hear him breathing,
but this is not life.

The house is still and dark-the hum of the oxygen tank in the air.
Everyone is asleep as I sit and watch,
and listen-and wait.

What will tomorrow bring? He struggles for a brief moment
but continues to sleep.
Will he be here for the sunrise?

He coughs and moans but still goes on. Will the pain ever end for him?
I feel that it is close as everyone sleeps.
The rythm of their breathing fills the room.

I try to sleep too but rest won't come. This is my father-or is it?
This man could not be the same one who skipped across the street to church
-or could it?

Always there for me-I wonder where he is now.
I can see him but he isn't really there.
No one really knows why his heart continues to beat.

If I go to sleep will he then let go? How can I say good-bye?
How can I pray for it to end
as I watch my mother grieve?

There have been many earthly angels taking care of us.
I am sure there are Heavenly angels
waiting to take care of you, Daddy.

Bye oh baby, bye oh baby, bye oh baby bye. Are you asleep yet?
Tears fill my eyes.
This is dying.

written the night before my Father, Rex Joy Black, passed away on June 23rd, 1999.




On a brighter note- I finally found a dress for Zach's farewell yesterday. I had such good luck that I bought 3!!!!!( I could have got about 8 if my money growing tree was in bloom!) Kimi and I had such fun, so did Campbell wandering around the store and locking us out of the dressing room. Diet food supposed to be here today.....wish me luck!

Happy Valentine's Day!
Here is a poem I wrote for Jeff several years ago, but is still so true today.

I love you...
I love you for who you are
I love you for who you are when Kimi needs a shoulder to cry on.
I love you for who you are when Beth just needs to talk.
I love you for who you are when Braden wants a new car.
I love you for who you are when Zach wants "something!"
I love you for who you are when Jenna sits on your lap.
I love you for who you are when you sing to Quinn.
I love you for who you are when we are on a cross country trip.
I love you for who you are
I love you...

On this Valentine's day take the time to say I love you to all the special Valentine's in your life. Make every day this year a Valentine's Day!

Angels

I never really know which poem to share unless there is something in particular going on in my life. Today I don't really have any special feelings but I did want to print one. I don't even remember when or why I wrote this one. I know Jenna and Quinn were pretty young.

Blessed With Angels

Why was I blessed with angels

living in my house?

Roaring loudly like the lions

or playing quiet as a mouse?

Angel kisses every morning

as I rise to meet the day

Hoping that I don't let them down

I go before the Lord to pray.

Side by side they play together

singing, laughing is their plight.

Then along comes the devil

and they all begin to fight.

They know the Lord is on their side

so with their angel wings

They chase away temptation

and the sorrow that it brings.

Everyday I know it's worth it

going through the toil and strife,

That's why I was blessed with angels

in this earthly life.

not my best, but my thoughts just the same

So, yesterday I took Zach to get the necessary shots for his mission. It brought back a lot of memories from when I had to take little ones for their childhood immunizations. I used to have someone else take them so I didn't have to hear them cry. Zach and I were both a lot more brave yesterday, but seeing as I hate needles it still wasn't easy for me to watch. Zach and I have been spending a lot of time together lately which will make sending him off all that more difficult, but I enjoy that time and getting the chance to see that somewhere he really DID grow up and become a decent human being. Last week as I was pondering all of this I was inspired to write a poem. I haven't written anything new for quite awhile, maybe this blogging stuff is a good idea after all. I call it "Bittersweet Moments"

"It's a boy!"
A life of joy and thrill
But inside I am empty
His movements I don't feel.

He starts to crawl, then walks
His freedom he is seeking,
He babbles and then learns to talk
To strangers he is speaking.

First day of school
He's growing way too fast
He looks toward the future
I 'm remembering the past.

Graduation day
I'm proud as I can be
But how did this happen?
Yesterday he was only three.

"You have been called to serve..."
We all wait anxiously-
My son, a son of God
Is a missionary.

Like I said, not one of my best but my thoughts just the same. So mommies out there waiting for your little ones to grow up, slow down and enjoy each special moment . It goes by way too fast.

first poem

Kimberly helped me add a picture so you could see who the 13 Up On the Hill are. This was taken in Germany in August. The 13th one in this picture is one of our many "adopted" friends of Zach's, Christian. We stayed with him and his mother, Ida, while visiting Germany. When the new baby comes in June , that will be number 13 of the Hill family.



I told you one of my passions is poetry so I decided to add a poem a week to my blog. Most of them have been written for years but not shared with anyone. I haven't written anything new for awhile but plan to do more of that now. By the way, sorry for the typo's in the last post. I am a grammar and spelling phanatic so that is out of character for me and hopefully will not happen very often. (especially since I know where spellcheck is now!)



This poem was written several years ago while I was watching my 2 youngest playing outside. We waited a long time for these two to join the family so I would often just observe them together. One day I realized I had everything in my back yard that anyone could ever wish for.



My Backyard



Everything I ever wanted

is in my own backyard.

A swingset and a swimming pool

a trampoline and slide.



A climbing gym and playhouse

a see-saw and some sand;

I skip and sing and dance and dream

my brother by my side.



In the nearby window

is my mother's watchful eye,

she sees us play together

her voice our constant guide.



She wants us to be happy

but she has so much to do-

so she gave us our own playground

a place to run and hide.



Everything she ever wanted

is in her own backyard

A family so full of love

her source of joy and pride.



So, there it is. Your first glimpse into my life and how I see things. FYI, I did get the pantry cleaned all by myself. Jenna asked me if Beth came to visit when she saw it! I wonder where Beth learned to do things like that!



Well, best get on with my day. Activity Day for the girl's is this afternoon. Until next time...

getting started...

So, I have decided to start a blog. Nothing better to do right? Actually, I do have a lot of free time and I really enjoy writing so I thought this would be a fun and easy way to express my feelings and share my thoughts with others. I like to write poetry and lyrics to songs. The tunes are in my head but never get to paper. One of these days I will sit down at the piano and figure the notes out. Today I am cleaning out my pantry. My daughter, Beth, will be glad to know that so she doesn't have to some out and do it for me. Other things needing done are the storage room and the extra bedroom, also known as the baby room, craft room and whatever else you want to call it room. When I figure all this out I will add pictures and other things to make this worth your time. Actually, what inspired this was watching Julie and Julia the other night. I didn't really care for it much the first time but it got me to thinking about how much I like to write my poems and this is a good way to sahre them. So check back often for some words of inspiration (or not) and see how the family "up on the Hill" is doing.